Well, as the title suggests, Atticus had his MRI today. And there's a lot to discuss. I'm going to start with what I do know, and then go to what I don't. So lets get started.
Because Atticus has HLHS, they decided to make him the first case of the day. Which was great, and not so great. That meant we had to check in at 6:30AM, which means I was up at 2:45AM after getting pretty much zero sleep. But the good side was that he was sleepy all the way there, and while we were waiting, since he couldn't have anything to eat or drink. It was about 8:00AM before the radiology folk came in to wheel him back.
The MRI took about 1.5-2 hours, everything went well, and Atticus ended up waking up from his sedation around 10:30AM. Next we went to meet with the neurosurgery department to talk about the sphrinx in his spine. That was some of the best news of all...
As it turns out, the fluid pocket in his spine (that small black oval that looks like the eye of a needle), is only about 4mm in size. That means that it technically doesn't classify as a sphrinx (it would have to be 5mm). The other good news is that the MRI revealed that there are no other common problems that are associated with this sort of thing, no tumors in the spine, no malformations, etc. He said that its appears to be completely benign. Which means that we don't have to go back for 3 years!! Since its been about 3 years since the MRI that discovered the fluid pocket in the first place, he said that we can wait about 3 years until we follow up with another MRI. Hooray!! That is all GREAT news! Thank you, God!
Now, the rest of this post is going to leave more questions than answers at the moment. Its also going to revisit one of the most difficult times in my life, the second, MASSIVE brain bleed Atticus had when he was about 1.5 months old. I had always heard our old neurologist, Dr K, talk about the second brain bleed, and really stress about how massive it was, and what a walking miracle Atticus was. I never really understood why until today. And its part of why its taken me so long to write this update today. I had to wrap my head around it. I'll warn you now that the next few images will probably shock you like it did me. And, unfortunately, I really don't have any answers for what all this means for Atticus. Since Neurosurgery ordered the MRI, we got to meet with them right away. But we still have to wait to either meet with or have a phone conversation with Neurology. So let me share what I do know.
I remember when the second brain bleed happened. I remember the doctor telling me that it was covering his left Occipital lobe (aka the Vision Center), and that it covered part of the Thalamus (part of the Control Center for the brain, which was why the had the 4 days of near constant seizures). I don't know if I was in shock, or just had forgotten my brain anatomy, but these locations aren't exactly next to each other in the brain. The Occipital Lobe is near the back, and the Thalamus is near the center of the brain. I always wondered how it covered both.
That large white area is where the bleed was.
I know. I'll let you look and let that sink in for awhile.
Here is again from a different angle...
Dr K wasn't exaggerating when he said "massive brain bleed".
This is the "normal" right side of his brain...
This is the left...
And from another angle...
But just so I don't leave you with the wrong impression, there were a few less terrifying images, like this one...
Looking through all the images, it looks to me like a large pocket in the back left quarter, with an arm reaching down into the center of the brain, and a pocket "leaking through" to a much smaller pocket in the back of his brain. Roughly a quarter of his brain.
As I look at these images, I feel a range of emotions flood me. I'm angry at the doctors from the Pediatric Surgery team that didn't take the time to just give him some pain medicine before "debreeding" his leg. I feel guilty and angry with myself for not somehow being able to prevent this. (Don't worry. The logical side of me counters with the knowledge that there was absolutely nothing I could have done. Doesn't stop the feelings though.) I feel curious, and I have already spent the last few hours researching the brain, what areas I can tell were affected, and what they control for the body, and about an hour on the phone with my sister, who has some knowledge of the brain from her work. I feel anticipation and almost consuming desire to speak with Dr H in Neurology to get her expertise, knowledge, advise, and ask her the million questions running through my brain about how this effects everything from his seizures, to his learning abilities, to his behavior, etc. And I also feel absolutely humbled.
That last one may seem a little strange, but I am overwhelmed at the power of my God. Just from looking at these images, one would think that surely Atticus would be blind. Its amazing that he lived through such an event. Much less that he should have the cognitive functions and abilities that he does. In several of the areas, you can see where the right side of the brain is slightly larger, and crossing over the "mid brain" line. Possibly to compensate for the left side, and to reform pathways that has allowed him to be able to do all the things that he can. I'm humbled to be witness of such a miracle, and to be called his mother. My God is an awesome God.
I wish I had loads more to tell you. I wish that I could answer the questions that are spinning through my head right now, but I can't. That's about it. For now, its a waiting game. I'll try to be good and update as soon as we learn more. But for now, as always, Keep on prayin'!
